| [fuck the navy, grand-pa!] |
[Jan. 6th, 2008]|[09:54 pm] |
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YEAH, fuck it! Fuck yeah. Ok, so I've applied to 6 schools. I got a letter from one telling me I had scores on my SATs that were in an area that I guess impressed them. I didn't think they were that great (1840) but they are allowing me to do a NON-BINDING early decision. Which means i get to get viewed first, and scholarships first....Yessssss... Still got a lot of work to do. Fuck. Got a million guys to date. Don't know which one. Got a few girls too...one of them though. No. Never. Not in a million years. She asked me out, and when i said "no", she pretended like she was joking. She is first of all, extremely unintelligent. I have to at least have a conversation with someone that doesn't drool. Secondly, she's not that attractive. She's got these nasty teeth and a weird belly thing goin' on. AND the piece de resistance. She CHEATS on people all the time. Fuck. That. So I guess I either stay a swingin' bacholorette. or I narrow it down. Choices... |
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| [10 x tension] |
[Oct. 7th, 2007]|[07:58 pm] |
Let's see if I can make it through this entry without dropping the F*** word. Hooray!!
I really hate my age. Seriously. Being 17. And not 18? LAME. So -attempts not to say word- CLOSE! I especially hate feeling like I stalk someone, when I try really hard not to, but I can't help but call them 8 zillion times because I'm just that kind of person. Then I wonder if that's what they think of me. Then I tell myself "no, it's just something stupid. They just can't hear the phone, etc." But then I say "but what if they think I'm annoying?"
GOD DAMNIT. |
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| [confusion] |
[Oct. 1st, 2007]|[11:23 pm] |
Yeah. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Being a chick sucks. It really does. Men have it so fucking easy sometimes. No. No, men. No commenting here, because although you can argue, you have yet to actually live life as women, so therefore:
you suck. |
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| [life is a whirling torrent of suck] |
[Sep. 26th, 2007]|[10:34 pm] |
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I'm single now. Not by choice. I'm fighting the urge to want to die. I know it's stupid. I haven't cried like this in a while. All I can think about is what I did wrong. Everything that I did to fuck this up. How now I'm alone, and I don't have anyone to hold anymore, or kiss, or make me feel like I'm not hideous... |
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| [fuck presents] |
[Sep. 17th, 2007]|[09:19 pm] |
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money is way better. And it's my birthday. fuck yes AGAIN! |
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| [love is a farce] |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007]|[08:27 pm] |
Thank you Bryan for your words.
I made a website for myself with a blog, forum, and links. It can be found here.
I like cheating freewebs out of using their stupid templates.And myspace with all their stupid ads and censorship lately. It was really getting to me. Livejournal is as boring as it's always been, but it gives me something to do, I guess. I cleaned out my fishtanks today. Really gutted them. I think the last time I did that was over 2 years ago...
Yeah. I'm really bad with that. But they seem pretty healthy, surprisingly. No diseases or deficiencies that I can see. Tomorrow is school. I'm hoping it'll be fun... |
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| [hanging on for the ride] |
[Aug. 29th, 2007]|[10:48 am] |
School starts tomorrow. I'm excited, but I'll be pissed about not having any fucking free time. Whatever. I have two jobs today. I have to leave the first one a half hour early to go to the second one... and then I get out around 10:15. So this means....
8 hours straight of work! YES! It's about time, baby. FUCK YEAH. And I get tips. GLORIOUS TIPS. Hot damn. It's hip to be a square multitasking teenager in the job world. |
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| [birthday-shmirthday] |
[Aug. 25th, 2007]|[10:45 am] |
My birthday is on September 17th. In case anyone who reads this wants to know. OH WAIT.
No one reads this. I guess I'm keeping it secret after all. |
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| [kess's cafe] |
[Aug. 25th, 2007]|[10:42 am] |
So um...I have three jobs now. Why? I don't fucking know... It's money. And maybe there's part of me that just likes to say "Dude...-takes exaggerated drag from cig- I have sooooooooooo much. Shit. To do---*cough, cough, cough*. -takes another drag- I can't take this anymore. 3 jobs? Man, I'm beat." -spits-
Ok, so I don't smoke either... whatever. I start today though. WOO! |
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| [how dare you] |
[Aug. 20th, 2007]|[10:14 pm] |
Fuck you. You know what? I hate you.
You're so fucking immature. Apathetic. Impartial. SHELTERED. TOTALLY INEXCUSABLE. Inattentive. In denial. How can you be so insensitive to me, but so sensitive to yourself? Fuck you. You don't know what it feels to really give a shit about someone. To really FEEL that deep sadness and longing when the only person you love is missing. So how could you love me?
And YOU are a total asshole. Fucking talking to me like that. What do you think I do in my spare time? CONSPIRE against you?
HAHA. A DOG NAMED ISABELLA?? HA HA HA. |
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| [nico's pizza] |
[Aug. 19th, 2007]|[05:22 pm] |
I bought some new clothes today. Not a lot.
2 shirts.
2 pairs of pants.
2 pairs of shoes.
Girls smell good. |
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| [fuck you] |
[Aug. 4th, 2007]|[10:54 pm] |
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I'm back now. I liked being away from everything so much. I wish I could have been suspended in those few days for all time. I'll never forget those people. They became like a second family to me. It's a really depressing thought to think that I won't see many of them ever again, but at least I can still contact them through other means. I never got to give Dave a hug goodbye, because he was sleeping. I called him on the highway, and he was like "Shit, you left? Really?" It sucked...but at least there was the comforting thought that I would have gotten one. Oh well. Those people definitely changed the way I think about a lot of things. And I hope I never sink back into how I used to be before I went there... |
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| [parting is such sweet sorrow] |
[Jul. 5th, 2007]|[10:33 pm] |
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I'm leaving on Saturday morning. Probably 9:30am. I'm really happy to get out of here, but I'm sad that I won't see Dan for a month. That's a very long time to be apart from someone. But hey, I talk to him every day at least twice on the phone. Things will be fine. Won't you all miss me? |
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| [shut the fuck up] |
[Jun. 19th, 2007]|[10:41 pm] |
I hate being here. I only have 18 days until I can get the fuck out of this stupid state. Sometimes I just want to forget that I have a shitty family that doesn't give a shit about me. No one ever calls me back or talks to me anymore. The people I actually still know are assholes.
At least school is over. That fucking sucked. But now I have to worry like hell about college... |
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| [i'm not that smart, really] |
[May. 28th, 2007]|[09:59 am] |
It's true. I got a 1750 on the SATs. Yeah, I know I shouldn't base my intelligence on one standardized test, but hey, I'm a pessimist. Never thought I was that smart anyway. I'd have to be dumb if I wanted to go to art school. -cough-
I'm doomed... |
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| [in other news] |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007]|[07:46 pm] |
My sister still won't fess up. Stupid whore-girl. She'll get hers...she'll get hers...but anyway. I had the whole house to myself this weekend. It was awesome. Just makes me want to go to college even more. Just...get the fuck out of here, family! Go! Go on! Nobody likes you anyway! Git!
Er, right...I'm checking out the Montserrat college this weekend. It's going to be fucking awesome. I can't wait for the summer. No family. No annoying sister that lies like a sack of crap, no drama, etc. Just art.
I'll miss Dan though. What the hell else am I supposed to bite and cling to its legs like a small child? Ah, we shall see. |
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| [harsh realities] |
[Apr. 10th, 2007]|[08:15 pm] |
February and March are known as peak depression season. I'm not that depressed though. I feel so wonderful, lately. Just...everything seems perfect. I mean, I've realized in school that I wasn't trying hard enough, and now my cumulative GPA is 3.70! Just like that! I rose up out of my fixed mindset, and said "fuck you, pessimists and naysayers. I'm going to strive to be all I can be!"
Sounds cheerleader-esque, no? But it's so true. I mean, granted I'm not becoming a preppie perky person. Yuck. But I have much more of a can-do attitude lately. I'm looking for a 3rd job, trying to make my grades even better, build up my friendships again...it's an awesome feeling. I really owe a lot of it to this book my mom bought me. It deals with fixed mindsets, and how changing your mindset on something can totally turn you around and make you successful.
If anyone is interested, it's called "Mindset" by Carol Dweck. |
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| [apples] |
[Mar. 28th, 2007]|[10:58 pm] |
I believe my sister is lying when she tells us her vision is bad in her left eye. She goes in and out of saying it for years, and suddenly she has 20/80 vision? If it was that bad in one eye, it should have affected her peripheral vision, making her bump into things. Am I right? Neither me or my mother believe her, because her earlier discussions of it were over exaggerated and obviously spoon fed by those around her. The doctor mentions such-and-such being a factor, now it's all Carey can talk about. Funny; it never bothered her before...
She causes so much frustration...and this time it means a few hundred dollars. Those glasses and that visit were not cheap. And of course, the minute she put them on, she wobbled around when she walked. A bit suspicious. Secondly, when she was on the computer later that evening, she had them off.
"Carey, why aren't you wearing your glasses?"
"Oh...they make me type slow. I haven't gotten used to them, yet."
Did I just hear that? "they make me type slow"...Did she just...no. No she couldn't have.
-insert frustrated keyboard mashing, followed by attempted hanging by mouse cord- |
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| [love will find you] |
[Mar. 12th, 2007]|[09:17 pm] |
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I love this song so much. ATB is amazing. Life isn't so bad anymore. It feels like summer. I walked around town today like it was the end of last summer. I felt like an old ghost, but in a good way. I don't keep wishing to go into the past anymore, or wish my life were different. I can only hope for the future. I feel so free... |
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| [oneness] |
[Feb. 26th, 2007]|[11:43 am] |
Oneness: referring to the fact that I am completely whole feeling, or at least am on my way to it; also it's just me. One. I'm single again.
It's nice though. I kind of wanted it for a while. Just, didn't know how it was going to come about. But as of midnight, it's been just me. And that's great. |
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